funnytwittertweets:

funnytwittertweets:

catchymemes:

adulthoodisokay:

curseworm:

theres a knight in my backyard stabbing the ground with his sword trying to render my soil barren by killing the worms but luckily ive trained them all in classical ballet and they keep pirouetting away from the blade

you can’t get sentences like this anywhere else

xueyangapologist:

“this is the hill you want to die on?” oh no i just love arguing. i fully intend to leave this hill once it gets boring. sorry for the confusion!

Anonymous

what is your name

orteil42:

lmao check out light yagami over here. nice try

depressed-dudewitch:

ottermatopoeia:

bvbblebeam:

good morning gay people!!

funny-tik-toks:

raychleadele:

So there’s this artist, Alex Schaefer, who makes a bunch of paintings of Chase Bank burning.

There’s just

so many of these

and I think it’s incredibly funny but

I just read this bit from the artist and

This is a “plein air” painting which means I set up my easel right across the street of this Chase bank in my city and painted it like it had caught fire. The police questioned me on the spot. Three weeks later Homeland Security was knocking on the door to my home. The question they kept asking me was “Do you hate these banks?” I can honestly say yes.

And I just think this is the greatest artist statement I’ve ever read.

onceuponatimeinerebor:

grimeclown:

If i was a sickly little peasant boy designated by the aristocracy to carry messages back and forth for pennies and you found me against our citys outer wall with a deep wound in my chest from a musket ball and a letter cluthed in my hand and i told you that my dying wish was to have someone read that letter to me so i would know i died for something important and you open it up and you find a single large illustrated diagram of an onion would you tell me what it was? What would you say?

this is the content I stick around for. you can’t find shit like this on twitter.